These days, Anton and Toby give us fast hugs earlier than heading into faculty — no drama — however after they had been youthful, for the primary couple weeks of every faculty yr, they might beg, sob, and cling to me till I needed to actually peel their fingers off my physique. And, each fall, I see a handful of different youngsters doing the identical factor. Even when they love faculty, that morning drop off will be brutal. Nothing sadder than your baby desperately reaching for you whilst you stroll away with a smile plastered in your face, like, “Bye! I’m positively not dying inside! My coronary heart fee is completely regular don’t fear about it!”
By way of the years, I attempted completely different methods — itemizing all of the enjoyable faculty actions, sending them with Daddy as an alternative of Mommy, making the goodbye fast and upbeat, studying The Kissing Hand — however none made an enormous distinction. Till…
One morning, as we approached his faculty, two-year-old Anton teared up. However as an alternative of giving him a pep speak in regards to the day, I made a decision to concentrate on our reunion afterward. “Anton, will you learn a stack of books with me tonight?” I requested him.
“Sure,” he mentioned, sniffing.
“Are you certain?” I mentioned. “I’d LOVE LOVE LOVE to cuddle and skim with you. Do you promise you’ll learn with me???”
“Sure!” he laughed. “I promise!”
And, amazingly, he climbed out of his stroller, patted me goodbye, and toddled into faculty.
I couldn’t imagine how properly it labored, nevertheless it additionally made sense to me. By asking your child to vow to hang around with you, you place your self as fully dependable — you’ll positively be there! Additionally, you’re giving them the ability — since YOU are asking THEM — so as an alternative of feeling uncontrolled, they’ve change into resolution makers. Speaking in regards to the night additionally reassures them that 1) faculty will finish, 2) you’ll reunite, and three) you’ll as soon as once more be joyful collectively. All of it feels very protected and sure.
One other instance:
Toby: “I don’t need to go to high school, I need to stick with you.”
Me: “Effectively, you do should go, however do you promise me you’ll play blocks with me afterward?”
Toby: “Okay.”
Me: “Do you promise? Please please please?”
Toby, laughing: “Sure! I’ll, Mommy!”
Ideas? Have you ever carried out this earlier than? Anything that helps with separations?
P.S. A stunning strategy to cease tantrums, and learn how to assist a stoic child open up about emotions.
(Picture of Toby from this submit.)
